I couldn’t sleep last night. I felt tired but just couldn’t sleep. The best (or the worst) thing is that my mind was racing but not with thoughts of a stressful day or problems I face in my life…. If that was the case, I would probably try to come up with solutions to each issue. Eventually, I would pat myself on the back for my good problem solving skills, which would make me all cosy and happy. This, in turn, would let me sleep. It would be a win-win situation. I’m not saying I would turn insomnia into a positive thing. I don’t think people with serious sleeping problems would appreciate me organising their sleepless nights into a cute routine to be productive. Although I should maybe think about it. This is the kind of stuff the 5am club people would totally go for. More productivity!!!! Can I monetise this???? Joking, of course. I have a lot of sympathy for the ones that can’t sleep and a lot of respect for the 5am clubbers (shows a strong will and consistency, which I admire). But to me, the sleepless nights only happen occasionally, not causing too much disruption in my days. So I should utilise the time.
Last night, my mind decided to just throw random pictures and thoughts at me…. With the speed of light, these thoughts were entering my mind only to flee within nano seconds. Eventually, I let my mind go wild without challenging these weird thoughts just out of curiosity. I wanted to see what else came to my mind. And now I think I am going mad…. People I haven’t seen or thought of in decades appeared and disappeared, followed by a picture of a neighbour’s daughter’s bicycle from the late 80’s (this girl was never even my friend, why is my mind storing a memory of her bloody bike???), followed by a memory of pistachio ice cream I had on a family day out as a 6 year old, followed by some images from my school, cat food, the tree in my garden… I could honestly imagine how Bruce Almighty felt when he was overwhelmed with the unanswered prayers … Maybe all I need is a good filing system for my thoughts… How do I control them, though?
So I fell asleep eventually, only to be woken up by….. the night sweats. Was it to do with THE CHANGE???? Or is it the two glasses of wine I had last night???? I am back to exercising, so my beard isn’t growing (currently, only three hairs…). But does this mean other symptoms of peri and menopause will be slowed down or postponed? Is it even worth me tracking these? I am worried it’ll turn into an obsession. Will it make me more aware and at peace, or
will it turn me into one of those women that completely can’t deal with ageing? I feel that despite both things being opposites, there is a fine line between the two that can be easily crossed. Before you know it, you’re on the other side, and tracking the perimenopause symptoms becomes a constant battle with them. A battle the we’re going to lose anyway. You can’t win with nature!
The Hormonal Chronicles 