I decided to go to work yesterday. Working from home is handy, but it does have its downsides. You do get more done, but so does your brain. And it likes to work hard. Mine, when it’s not getting frustrated with the world, mainly plays either Microsoft Teams dial tune or the intro tune from Strictly Come Dancing (this one is quite surprising as I honestly never watched one single episode of SCD…).
So, being in the office meant I was occupied with brainstorming sessions, engrossed in my spreadsheets and mainly having healthy human interactions. I thought to myself: Ah, feeling normal again! Until….. one of the ladies comes in and starts talking hot flushes, mood swings, trouble sleeping, and weight gain…. I just can’t get away from it, can I? Every time I think I am exaggerating, this isn’t the time yet, I am only 40, someone starts a conversation that brings me back to: IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME NOW???? And some people enjoy the look of horror on my face, so they carry on: you will lose your confidence, you won’t remember your own name, blah blah blah…. Oh please, that’s me on a typical day….
Ok, let’s analyse this:
1. losing confidence – well, I am in a very successful marriage with the support of a husband who always thinks I am capable of doing anything I set out to do. So, while I feel a little shaky as I am in a new job with high responsibilities, my confidence is slowly coming back up as I gain the knowledge and experience. I lost it in one of my previous jobs, where the boss was a bullying ar******e, feeding his own ego by putting everyone around him down. So maybe I am not menopausal yet? I was just dealing with a man full of insecurities and mood swings problems. Maybe he was menopausal? That would explain so much! Maybe I should have been more supportive to him?
2. Brain fog – I’m not sure about this one. I like to get up and exercise. It’ll be either a run, pilates, quick yoga, or a workout with Chloe Ting (amazing results with Chloe!!!). So I feel energised and wide awake (well, my body does), and then I sit at my desk, and my brain does not process what is on the screen. Between 9am – 10.30am I can’t understand a word of English. So, I think: there’s the brain fog! Come lunchtime, I am in the full swing of things and buzzing, and I think: nope, not quite yet. Overthinking much?
3. Trouble sleeping – definitely no issues there. My Garmin tells me I have a very good sleep pattern, my body battery is fully charged every morning. I sleep 8 hours a night, which is something some of my female friends very much envy.
4. Chin hair – back to the infamous hair that prompted the start of this blog. This one is very much real. Better yet, it does have a family I expected it was going to grow… I’ve become obsessed! I saw a meme saying: if you see a 40-something woman, with her fingers on her chin like she’s deep in her thoughts, she’s not thinking. She’s just located a new hair on the chin….. THIS IS SO TRUE! Once I find the bastard, I know it’s there, I can’t stop touching it, as if I was checking if it’s grown since I last touched it (i.e. 1 min ago).
I am a numeric person. If you want me to understand something, present it to me in numbers. I asked my husband how on earth is he seeing the world if not in numbers???? The numbers don’t lie. They give you firm answers, there are no grey areas, and you can rely on them. He looked at me with pity and said: “Normal people, honey, see the world in colour….” Well, that shut me up… So, anyway, my point is: I need an exact date of when my menopause is going to kick in. How do I plan otherwise???? I know they say your perimenopause begins around 35 years of age, and then it may be mid to late fourties when your menopause starts. People, with all due respect, I need something more concrete than “around 35” (read with a mocking tone of the voice). I’m not saying I am a control freak, but I need to be in charge of this menopause bullshit.
The Hormonal Chronicles 